Toddler Standoffs? Here’s How to Keep Your Cool

Have you ever found yourself in a power struggle with your toddler? As an educator and coach, I’ve worked with countless parents who worry that something’s wrong with them or their child due to these constant battles of will. Trust me, I completely understand. But here’s the good news: positive discipline doesn’t have to be this difficult. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple shift in how we approach the situation.

Instead of demanding your child do something, try offering limited choices. Let me explain:

Imagine this scenario: You tell your child that it’s time for a bath. They respond with a firm “No.” You become a bit more insistent and say, “It’s bath time, we need to go now.” The back-and-forth continues, and soon enough, either you end up frustrated, resorting to bribery, or even raising your voice (we’ve all been there). As the tension builds, both you and your child lose control, which leads to more frustration and dysregulation.

Sound familiar? I’ve certainly been there too. But through positive discipline tools—specifically the method of offering limited choices—I've seen dramatic improvements. This simple shift has made a huge difference in my own teaching and parenting.

So, what are limited choices? It’s exactly what it sounds like—offering two options instead of a direct demand. For example, instead of saying “Put on your shoes,” you might say, “Would you like to wear the yellow shoes or the brown shoes? You decide.” Children are much more likely to respond positively to choices than to demands. By saying “You decide,” you give them a sense of control and ownership over their actions.

The beauty of this approach is that it’s respectful, empowering, and helps children feel involved. By offering choices, you are showing respect for their autonomy and trusting their ability to make decisions. Just remember: the choices should always be something you’re okay with. For instance, avoid saying, “You can sleep in your bed or our bed,” if you really don’t want them in your bed.

Let’s revisit the bath time scenario, but this time with limited choices:

Instead of saying, “It’s bath time, let’s go!” you calmly offer, “It’s time for bath. Would you like to use the pink towel or the blue towel?” Your child’s eyes light up as they feel part of the decision-making process. They happily choose the pink towel, and before you know it, bathtime is underway, without a struggle.

While not every routine will go as smoothly as this, limited choices can help transform many power struggles into peaceful moments. By offering options, you help your child feel empowered and responsible. So, the next time you find yourself heading into a battle of wills, try giving limited choices—you’ve got this!